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I made a banner but..

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Today I made this banner but something doesn't feel right.

 

This girl should be thinking or dreaming about a radio and a shopping cart, because she wants to start her own online shop. I feel like something is not okay in this picture. The way those items are positioned inside those thought bubbles it just doesn't feel like it.

 

Anymore some ideas or help?

 

 

9tluoAR.png


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Just a suggestion (scruffily accompanied by illustration) but perhaps a 'chaining' of the thought bubbles together could better imply a 'chain-of-thought' or a 'thought process'. But not in the clumsy way in which I altered your banner. Since it is about her wanting to start her own online shop perhaps some dollar signs could go in an additional (final) bubble.

post-15796-0-06369700-1460734619_thumb.png

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Do need to have 2 thought bubbles? can you put both items in one bubble and but the radio in the shopping cart? Can you have her rub her chin and focus her eyes up and to the right? It might make her look like she thinking more then just staring at us.

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Here's my twist...

 

1. Make both bubbles equal size and position.

2. Put a cursor arrow, on both the radio and shopping trolley: equal importance

3. Put the radio and the shopping trolley on a tablet/monitor screen; to show an online presence

4. change her open eyes to closed; i.e use lines for her eyes (eyes shut=sleeping/dreaming).

5. Have a third picture/cloud of her hand, held flat catching falling notes or jumping gold coins falling into her palm; to show online payout.

 

HTH


MacBook pro, 2.26 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo, 4 GB 1067 MHz DDR3, NVIDIA GeForce 9400M 256 MB, OS X 10.11.6

 

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For me its because she doesn't look to be dreaming about anything and she's looking directly at the reader.

If the 'dream bubbles' where a little closer to give ownership, then her eyes were looking up into the clouds to give interaction with her thoughts.

 

Lovely work though.

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Whats off for me is that the radio and the shopping cart have a thinner outline. I think you should use the same thicknes / proportions throughout the illustration. Not that every line has to be the same thickness - but it looks like the radio is scaled down including the thickness of the stroke. Maybe the outer lines should be like the thicker outlines of the girl and some inner strokes may be like those two little hairs of hers there ...

 

And the bubbles could be closer to her, maybe overlapping each other a bit.

Apart from that, nice work!

 

cheers!

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