affinity photo Interdictor

[colin foster]

Write a 500 word story.

Illustrate using AP.

Write another 500 hundred words.

 

 

 

Edited June 3, 2019 by colin foster
edited after taking on suggestions, many thanks.

[GarryP]

Is the text important or is it just there as something to fit with the illustration?
Or, to put it another way, does it matter if the text has proper grammar and punctuation?

[Alfred]

4 minutes ago, GarryP said:

Or, to put it another way, does it matter if the text has proper grammar and punctuation?

Or, to put it another way, does it matter that the text doesn’t currently have proper grammar and punctuation (and spelling)? 

[GarryP]

Aye; yar reet thar matey.

[Alfred]

3 minutes ago, GarryP said:

Aye; yar reet thar matey.

[colin foster]

Exercise was to write a story, illustrate, and write some more.  Grammar and or punctuation are an important thing to strive for to the best of your ability. 

[GarryP]

I’m no expert when it comes to the English language – there’s proof of that scattered around this forum (see above) and elsewhere – but I have some suggestions if you want to hear them.

[colin foster]

All suggestions are most welcome.  English is by definition a mixed bag so it is what it is.

[GarryP]

I’ve only read the text at the top-left but there are some things I would be tempted to change:
* In the first paragraph I would put a full stop between “herself” and “Alexon”, otherwise the sentence doesn’t ‘scan’ nicely;
* “she strode on by him on her way” sounds a little odd. What about losing the first “on”?
* In the third paragraph, would “scent” be better than “trail”? “Trail” sounds a little like it was made by a slug;
* Is “sniff” the best word that could be used here? Maybe try “inhale” instead;
* “legs hair” probably needs a comma in the middle, otherwise it sounds like the hair of her legs, which may or may not be right I don’t know;
* You used “slid” twice in the same short paragraph. I was told way back at school not to use the same word – apart from the basics – more than once in a short piece of text. Maybe change the first use so that the chair slides but Alexon does something else;
* In paragraph 6 you might want to put a full stop instead of the comma in “to your cortex, if there is” to make two distinct sentences.
I’m not trying to be deliberately picky but little things like this can make or break a bit of text. Either way, it’s your text and you can do with it how you please.

[colin foster]

Thanks for the advice I shall implement some if not all your suggestions wherever possible. 

[GarryP]

You're welcome.