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I Feel the same, Adobe is for long time on the market and peoples used it for years, and simply they will not switch to learn new ways to do stuff, and for last - this is a big suite, nowdays graphic designer is NOT just a graphic designer, it's more obvious to be motion designer also (After Effects, Animate CC) or Video Editor (Premiere Pro). Adobe has solutions for that and for that simple reason switching is a such problem. My freelance worklfolw right now looks like so: AD and AP for graphic design, Davinci Resolve for video editing but Adobe with his After Effects and InDesign still remains. And those two last program keeping me to continue beign screwd by ~63E per month subscription.
If You know any good alternative to AE, please let me know.

If You look closer at that wooden background, somethins is just not right, the facture and knags, are to big, unless it is coat for ants  Try to scale background way down, if needed duplicate multiple time (semless feathering get job done)
Also lighting is off, on the flor is from right to left but on cout in oposit way from left to right, look at casted shadows by rinkles.

I really liked the sound of one of your 'possibilities', but couldn't possibly say which... I can definitely ease your mind on your worries though - same price, no subscriptions. We want to make software that we would buy and use (and yes, I've bought all variants myself through the App Store just to make sure I get the same experience as other customers) and we want it to be priced to not exclude anyone - we think that's the fair thing to do

OK, so there is some possibilities like:
Merging all purchuised software into one (like a hub) Making easier switch to "Edit originals" Fully featured editors inside Publisher like: Raster and Vector Editors More awesome solution, we don't even imagine... I hope, in AP there will be functions like:
Fast and robust preflight (this is must have) View Modes (from fast previews up to print previews) Ability to work on hundreds pages without problems (well optimized) Spell checking (in many languages) Many master pages Tool like data merge (or it's better brother :)) Styles for: Objects, paragraphs, characters and so on Easy end fast media containers to use Advanced font and acharacter proporties Saving and exporting in background Clean grouping solution Easy link manager   And also I am affraid of:
If it would be as powerfull as we love to be, have many great features AND would be integrated with other software (damn You @MattP) AP would be  much expensive than rest of Affinity software family, or it would be insubscription plan. If not, holly molly, there will be no brainer to switch for Affinity in whole. 

It's quite simple, just draw geometrical shapes on desired image. 
Here You Have an detailed tutorial (for illustrator but it works the same way) https://design.tutsplus.com/tutorials/how-to-create-a-geometric-wpap-vector-portrait-in-adobe-illustrator--vector-16102 

Just grab free vector brush pack from here: https://affinity.serif.com/blog/free-daub-vector-brush-set-for-affinity-designer/ 
And then free texture from site like freepik.com