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RaphLuna

Advice on the Blurb for my First Novel in the series.

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Cover Done

Written the Novel Book Blurb ( Blossom and the Dragon ).

Is my grammar and spelling okay ? 

Is the Blurb Suspenseful. enough ?

  • . blossom_and_the_dragon_by_landoftheclyony_dd51yop-pre.thumb.jpg.140a04e7664585793f0c05d16ad14bb2.jpgblossom_and_the_dragon_novel____back_blurb___by_landoftheclyony_dd6xu8g-pre.thumb.jpg.74e16e7609d1e642cb4a381a94b4e4ec.jpg                                                                                                                

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I'm not great at English but a few things I can see...

  1. I think you are trying to add too many details
  2. Describe blossom, her character and how she looks
  3. Hint at what is to come but leave the reader wanting more.
  4. You are using full stops too much, this make's it hard to read, use comma's instead.

Example:

Blossom is a happy foal, a curious foal, an out for adventure foal. One such adventure see's Blossom get into a deadly situation and those are not the type of situations to get into. Saved by of all things a Dragon, a sworn enemy of Blossoms kind, but not today, today this Dragon is her saviour. Their journey together begins and what a journey it will be, read on and follow their story. Where will it go, is love around the corner, turn the page to start your journey?

 

 

 

 

 

 


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1 hour ago, firstdefence said:

You are using full stops too much, this make's it hard to read, use comma's instead.

“You are using full stops too much. This makes it hard to read: use commas instead.” But, yeah. :)

Quote

Example:

Blossom is a happy foal, a curious foal, an out for adventure foal. One such adventure see's Blossom get into a deadly situation and those are not the type of situations to get into. Saved by of all things a Dragon, a sworn enemy of Blossoms kind, but not today, today this Dragon is her saviour. Their journey together begins and what a journey it will be, read on and follow their story. Where will it go, is love around the corner, turn the page to start your journey?

A very nice example, although (once again!) the punctuation needs a little TLC. ;)

Speaking of punctuation, I would lose the full stops in the author’s name on the cover page.


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3 hours ago, firstdefence said:

Example:

Blossom is a happy foal, a curious foal, an out for adventure foal. One such adventure see's Blossom get into a deadly situation and those are not the type of situations to get into. Saved by of all things a Dragon, a sworn enemy of Blossoms kind, but not today, today this Dragon is her saviour. Their journey together begins and what a journey it will be, read on and follow their story. Where will it go, is love around the corner, turn the page to start your journey?

 

@RaphLuna @firstdefence @Alfred

Would "out for adventure" be better as "out-for-adventure"?

Should "see's" be "sees"?

Should "to get into" be better as  "into which to get"?

Should "Blossoms kind be "Blossom's kind"?

Should "it will be, read on" be better using a colon instead of a comma, as "it will be: read on"?

Should "corner, turn" be better using a colon instead of a comma, as "corner: turn"?

That final question mark is after a statement rather than a question. I am unsure what to suggest about that, maybe @Alfred will have a view on this.

1 hour ago, Alfred said:

Speaking of punctuation, I would lose the full stops in the author’s name on the cover page.

Yes, the best way is only to use full stops in the author's name if using an initial instead of a name. For example, if Laurie A. Garland or L. A. Garland were the style used. 

 


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3 hours ago, firstdefence said:

 

  1. I think you are trying to add too many details
  2. Hint at what is to come but leave the reader wanting more.
  3. You are using full stops too much, this make's it hard to read.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Absolutely.  If this is a children's story, there is way, way too much stuff in the "blurb."  If I were producing this, which I am not, I would include two different and slightly larger images of Blossom and Amos on the "blurb" page , plus a limited number of words.   Something  like:

"Blossom is a happy and curious little orphaned foal.   But when she meets terrible danger on one of her adventures, she is saved by Amos, a very unusual Dragon who can talk.  As time goes by they become fast friends, sharing love, sadness, and heartbreak during their adventures together." 

Less is more with children.   Make them want to turn the pages. 


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13 minutes ago, William Overington said:

Would "out for adventure" be better as "out-for-adventure"?

 Should "see's" be "sees"?

Should "to get into" be better as  "into which to get"?

 Should "Blossoms kind be "Blossom's kind"?

Yes to all of the above, except that “into which to get” sounds rather stilted. Although some grammatical purists might insist on avoiding the construction “to get into”, I think it reads better here.

I agree that the question mark at the end is misplaced, but in any case I would be inclined to go with the alternative blurb posted by @jmwellborn while I was typing this.


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Thank you Everyone for your Suggestions and Advice. My Partner Alex Blue Bird and I been working on the cover … Re Written the Blurb Personally Alex Blue Bird Done a New Illustration for the Cover. kept the Yin Yang Art in the Back. What do you think.

 

133436436_Screenshot(3378).thumb.png.9f42f8c02765b5ff2cf98b7173328bdf.png

..

 

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