Poem in my language

[AdamStanislav]

Since we are posting poems lately, here is one I wrote about half a century ago (in my twenties). It is a Slovak translation of a famous American song. I submitted it to the CEO of the then only Slovak music publishing company. He happened to be my older brother. He liked my version but said that unfortunately the song had already been recorded in Slovak years earlier with different lyrics (obviously). I said, so what? But he insisted it would not work.

Years later he told me he did get my version recorded but had to pretend it was his lyrics because by then I had fled from Communist Czechoslovakia and so the government would never allow any of my work published.

Anyway, here it is as done in Affinity Designer:

If I should translate it back into English, though literally from my text, I am sure you will know which song it was. I cannot give you the original for copyright reasons, but the translation of my version should be fine:

Together wondering in the dark,
while we are alone
In the night hour,
two strangers.
In this quiet time,
I want to love you forever.

The Moon shines for us,
on the path beneath the stars.
No one is alone,
he is always with us.
His pale shine,
and your soft voice,
make me see clearly,
that we will live always happy.

Together wondering in the dark,
while we are alone
In the night hour,
two strangers.
In this quiet time,
I may love you forever.

[AdamStanislav]

Wow, I have just run my text through Google translate, and it gave me a nice poetic translation. Here is the original in plain text:

Spolu blúďme tmou,
kým sme tu sami.
Nočnou hodinou,
dvaja neznámi.
V tento tichý čas
chcem navždy ľúbiť vás!

Mesiac svieti nám
na cestu pod hviezdami.
Nikto nie je sám,
on je tu stále s nami.
Jeho bledý jas,
i váš tichý hlas,
dávajú mi vidieť jasne,
že budeme žiť vždy šťastne.

Spolu blúďme tmou,
kým sme tu sami.
Nočnou hodinou,
dvaja neznámi.
V tento tichý čas
smiem navždy ľúbiť vás.

And here is Google’s translation:

Let's wander the darkness together,
while we are here alone.
At night,
two unknowns.
In this quiet time
I want to love you forever!

The moon shines on us
on a journey under the stars.
No one is alone
he is still here with us.
Its pale brightness,
even your quiet voice,
they make me see clearly
that we will always live happily ever after.

Let's wander the darkness together,
while we are here alone.
At night,
two unknowns.
In this quiet time
may i love you forever. 

[William Overington]

13 hours ago, AdamStanislav said:

... , I am sure you will know which song it was. I cannot give you the original for copyright reasons, but the translation of my version should be fine:

@AdamStanislav

Well, I have tried to work out which song, but I have not yet got a result.

William

 

[Ali]

@AdamStanislav - there's something not quite right here (and sorry, I don't know Slovak, so I am not sure what's gone wrong).

To wonder and to wander are two completely different things (see the opening lines of each of the English translations that you have given). One of them must be wrong.

I cannot identify the song from this.

[walt.farrell]

15 hours ago, AdamStanislav said:

And here is Google’s translation:

Let's wander the darkness together,
while we are here alone.
At night,
two unknowns.
In this quiet time
I want to love you forever!

The moon shines on us
on a journey under the stars.
No one is alone
he is still here with us.
Its pale brightness,
even your quiet voice,
they make me see clearly
that we will always live happily ever after.

Let's wander the darkness together,
while we are here alone.
At night,
two unknowns.
In this quiet time
may i love you forever. 

Here is the translation from DeepL:

Together, let us wander through the darkness,
while we're here alone.
Through the night hours,
two strangers.
In this silent time
I want to love you forever!

The moon shines on us
on the road under the stars.
No one is alone,
He is always with us.
His pale brightness,
and your still voice,
make me see clearly,
that we shall always live happily.

Together let us wander through the darkness,
while we are here alone.
Through the night hours,
Two strangers.
In this silent time
May I love you forever.

[AdamStanislav]

6 hours ago, Ali said:

To wonder and to wander are two completely different

Oops, sorry. The strangers are wandering in the night.

[AdamStanislav]

4 hours ago, walt.farrell said:

Here is the translation from DeepL

Thanks. I have never heard of DeepL, so it is nice to have an alternative to Google. 

[AdamStanislav]

6 hours ago, William Overington said:

I have tried to work out which song, but I have not yet got a result.

Interesting. I think that is good because it confirms my lyrics as being more than a translation but an actual original poem about two strangers at night.

[Alfred]

1 minute ago, AdamStanislav said:

Thanks. I have never heard of DeepL, so it is nice to have an alternative to Google. 

There’s also Bing Microsoft Translator and Yandex Translate.

[AdamStanislav]

Just now, Alfred said:

There’s also Bing Microsoft Translator and Yandex Translate.

Wow, live and learn. Thanks, I appreciate it.

[Alfred]

1 hour ago, AdamStanislav said:

Oops, sorry. The strangers are wandering in the night.

But are they? I always thought they were wondering (what were the chances that they’d be sharing love before the night was through).

[AdamStanislav]

2 minutes ago, Alfred said:

But are they?

Well, in my version they are. Actually, the Slovak word blúďme is the imperative first person plural of blúdiť, which the online Slovak-English dictionary lists as meaning

- meander 
- ramble 
- roam 
- rove 
- saunter 
- schloomp 
- stray 
- vagabond 
- wander 
- bat around 
- drag tail 
- to meander 
- to stray 
- to wander 
- volatilise 
- wandering around 

Though the main meaning is moving around aimlessly.

[William Overington]

In addition, I had wondered if it was Strangers in the night and I played it on YouTube and there was nothing about the moon so what with the wandering and the moon I thought that it could not possibly be Strangers in the night.

William

 

[William Overington]

Here is a song with the moon in it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hxdGqA_VZA

William

 

[AdamStanislav]

51 minutes ago, William Overington said:

In addition, I had wondered if it was Strangers in the night and I played it on YouTube and there was nothing about the moon so what with the wandering and the moon I thought that it could not possibly be Strangers in the night.

William

 

Well, in my home country people would just write their own lyrics to foreign songs, sometimes completely unrelated to the original lyrics. They just made sure their lyrics matched the music. I just thought the idea of two strangers wandering (and wondering) at night would give it away. Clearly, I was wrong about that.

Heck, they even do it to the titles of plays and movies. I was about twenty when I was waiting in front of the Opera House in Bratislava for my mom to come out (she was an opera singer), and someone asked me what was playing that night. Well, it was As You Like It, but the Slovak title was Čo len chcete, which means Whatever You Want. So I said, Čo len chcete. He gave me an annoyed look and said, oh come on, what’s on tonight. And I just repeated, Čo len chcete. And he raised his voice, telling me he had an important guest from the Soviet Union, so tell me what’s on! And I growled and pointed at the poster he was standing in front of all this time and which said Čo len chcete was on, and I said, Čo len chcete, by Shakespeare. He then sighed and apologized for yelling at me.