Thanks for your help, guys!
It's very confusing that you have to convert your path to a curve before you can get it to work. It's also in a very weird place and isn't anywhere in the tutorials. Hopefully, the Affinity UI and the Developer Staff can figure out an easier way to get this functionality to work better in future updates, make it super simple as it is in the desktop version. Maybe put it in the Text panel somewhere, because, logically speaking, it has to do with the text tool.
Anyways, this community is awesome and super helpful!
Affinity, thanks for being great and having awesome products that I will continue to use over any Adobe products.